Anyone who is in campus definitely knows a thing or two about kibanda language,we all use it,sometimes it is so embedded in conversation we actually forget the original name of the food,you can blame it on the 'hoteliers' who keep chalkboards for menus)
While there is no 'start from the outside' kind of etiquette,the unspoken rule is that no item on the menu retains its 'legal' name,and,the crazier,the better.
1. Chapati dunga - chapati is rolled and pierced with a fork,the number of forks equal the number of chapatis ordered.
2. Chapati dondosa - this is where a chapati is served whole and served while floating on thick soup.
3. Chapati msalaba - sliced into four equal quarters. The cuttings resemble a cross and hence the tag 'msalaba',but don't be cheatd,the surface area changes,NOT!
4. Chapati kifagio- sliced into many thin vertical strips to resemble something tht woud fit better in a round of Quid-ditch,without Harry Potter
5. Chapati chafua- chapati is sliced into many pieces as possible, approximately 3.5 centimeteres squared (do the math)
6. Chapati mbao/ chapati mawe - this is a dry chapati, for the day when there is a hole in your pocket,it is suicidal.
7. Ugali saucer/ wembe/discount/kajamo-This 1 am sure you have heard of,it is for those days when 1 serving is just not enough or you have an xtra 20bob you found on your way to the kibanda.
8. Ugali mlima- this is a chunk of ugali served only to professionals and is usually served with a warning. 'ukikosa kuimaliza, utaongeza kumi',whether its a threat or a promise,i have never risked finding out.
9. Tumbukiza - this is where meat is overboiled until the meat is very soft. Usually served without salt. Tumbukiza SPECIAL has no bones which sometimes leads me think its more of aslum 'special'.
10. Kahawa kifo- so you have done kahawa chungu! This is worse. It usually contains lots of 'kahawa no 1' and is overboiled till its black. its then served without sugar. Its literally burnt coffee and i suspect its used for lethal injections.
11. Kaa ndani- this is where a mandazi is made an incision at the side and a delicacy inserted inside of it. So kaa ndani ya sausage is a mandazi with a sausage in it.
12. Jembe ya meno- toothpick
13. Samaki cassette- this is fish which has bones in it. Its served whole whereby a person starts eating it on one side( side A ). Once done, its then turned to the other side (side B). A successful completed eating mission is certified once the only thing left on the plate are intact bones of the fish and the head.
14. Karara- chapati nusu
15. Combat- Githeri
16. Mix/ missile / kadhalika- this is a plate of everything on the soup/stew menu. mostly madondo, sukuma, nyama, ndengu etc. and its ordered with swag(helps if you are from the lakeside), so dont go ati 'nipatie missile 20'! try'haya, hebu nibonde na chapo mix ya kaufourty, na ikuje chapchap kabla niachwe na ndege.
17. Teargas- pilipili,correctly named so because it has madde many a great man weep in front of a girl and not feel embarrassed.
18. C.N.N...Chapati Nne Ndengu
20. M.0.U -MBoga 0mellete Ugali
21.D.N.A -Dunga Ndengu Avocado
22.Rice Mchele -this was recently 'invented' in a kiosk,it includes getting two plates of rice,1 has some soup on it and acts as the stew.
am sure at let once in your life,either from neccessity,adventure,coercion,persuasion or just plain naivety,you have ventured ino a kibanda,1 whose centre of gravity is non-existent,what catchy names did you spot on the menu?
C.M.B- chapati mbili beans was always a fave in my time
ReplyDeletei used the ispeech thing to 'listen' to the blog...
ReplyDeleteveery funny :D