Alcohol chronicles;chapter 1

Its approximately 4;30a.m and I have a murderous hangover,I think my head is in some remote part of Russia and my body is detached from my body,the last time I felt this beaten up was the second Thursday of my freshman year when my 3 new friends and I decided to try out the campus myth,we ended up high on some cheap brandy that should be included in every campuses curriculum as a common unit because the only people who don’t know its taste and smell are either six-feet under or on a pilgrimage.Ignore the fact that I can not bear to look at that particular brandy because it is rather embarrassingly cheap and I actually stopped taking brandies when I heard from mo than one person that they tend to weaken your carsexual(a word I just made up)battery so that when you want to engage in a particular activity that require that one thing leads to another,it just won’t start,so you run and hide and pop your manhood(pun intended),the battery is dead and however much you fondle the terminals,all you get is a spark,and even when you get your co-driver to try and start the engine,fail!Any normally healthy knows the implications of this,the girl will either hate you or be intrigued by you because she either suspects your are ‘queer’ or that you don’t find find her attractive,either way,trouble!

Sorry I drifted,it’s the hangover,lemme tell you about last night,or,technically,tonight…

My good friend,codename Riley(yes,from Boondocks) and I are potential drunks,I doubt there is any brand we both collectively tried and so we decided on Friday that we were going to have a mini-party,which is pretty easy in a campus,seeing that all you need is to supply people with only enough beer to get slightly high and crave more,at which point you conveniently suggest that someone take a collection and a barman be summoned,or the errand boy be sent for re-supplies,its one of the oldest tricks in the alcohol consumption rule book and I have fallen for it millions of times.So yes,5 texts to my ‘victims’ and we had a mini-party in schedule,and did i mention that my fraternity never sends official invites to males?Being guys we know that while men are more willing to contribute for coffers,they are harder to control when they are high,the worst a girl ever did was throw up all over my duvet and having slight OCD,i washed it in the middle of the night and got the flu,which bugged me for the next three weeks until i treated it with a prescription you only see in the epics,two quick shots of a stiff vodka.

Riley decide it was a vodka weekend,and i'm not even a fan of vodka,i secretly loathe Russians,although that doesn't make a capitalist,vodka gives me this kind of a hangover,the kind even the blonde girls in my class notice and keep looking at me with pitiful eyes,its just a hangover ladies,not a terminal disease.to cut the long story short,flashforward to around 10p.m and am slightly high,Riley is flirting with some random girl and we are the only ones at the party we made in my room.Blaring music tends to increase ontoxication,or am i the only one who feels that??So here we are,seated on my reading table in my room,everyone else has been 'on their way for two hours now and its already past curfew(which would be 10p.m,officially called the 10-10 rule,bloody utopia!).
I'm disappointed but slightly worried,loneliness makes too good a drinking mate,my plan B,which is always present,goes into motion,the plan is to drink myself into a black-out or a semi-coma,whichever comes first and then karma does what she knows best,Ivy calls at 11;30 to say she's seriously on her way,im just three shots away from blacking out and i can't even remember what i told her exactly,Riley is still flirting on the phone,i tried getting him of by snatching the phone and talking to his girl,i think i told her something along the lines of him being blonde and all,i know he will kill me for this later but il just say it was his fault i got so high and did something so silly,and she,the sweet girl on the other end,hopefully,hasn't believed me because logic would follow that being his closest friend........well,figure that out.

Ivy gets to my hostel at midnight and the guards wont let her in,which shouldn't be a shocker, but to yours truly,who is now as high as a kite,it is an encroachment of my rights as a student(which is a load of bull-doody,because i signed the school rule-book but mum didnt say booze dont make me a genius,did she?

Plan B becomes the parking lot,Ivy is telling e there are no stars in the sky but i swear i just saw orion and venus,or maybe its in my head?The guards are pissed,but what can they do?i freaked them out sometime back when i kinda mind read one of them and profiled him and he freaked out,and i speak like am the VC'S son when am high.How i have ended up on Riley's bed i cant quite remember but i only managed an hour of alcohol-induced sleep and now here i am.

its all a blur.

Dear Iceberg,
sorry about global warming,i hear you are melting,karma is such a bitch,is she not?
yours,Titanic!